Why I’m here. A Personal Story.

“A personal story about figuring out who I am. And the questions that helped me get there. If you’re trying to understand yourself, this might help you start.”

A note to the reader: This is a summary of my story. But it’s not for me.

You’re reading this for you.

This is a breakdown of what actually helped me start understanding myself, and what might help you do the same.

Because after all, we are all but versions of each other. More alike than different.

But first, some context.

For a long time, I followed the paths of people who seemed to know what they were doing.

Parents, teachers, mentors. People I admired.

It was like I was borrowing their maps, following their safe, smart routes.

Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing. And honestly? A lot of it was useful.

There’s real wisdom in walking a well-trodden path.

It’s the 80:20 principle. Doing what is accepted to work is a great idea. I genuinely recommend it.

Work hard. Learn the basics. Get experience. Get recognition. Learn from others.

But eventually, as I got comfortable, I realized that secondhand wisdom isn’t enough. At some point, you have to stop quoting others and start checking in with yourself. You need lived experience, your own mistakes, questions, wins, and experiments.

I was missing that.

I had a framework, but not a foundation.

That’s when things started to shift.

And it might have taken too long. I was well into my early thirties before I realised that things might need to change.

Let’s get into it.

I Was “Doing Fine” But Drifting

High school. University. Early work. I was performing life. I followed the path, hit the marks, smiled on schedule.

But underneath? I was directionless and disconnected.

I didn’t hate anything, I just didn’t feel anything.

(I think many of you can relate)

It took a while to realise I wasn’t really making choices. I was following momentum.

Ask yourself:

Am I choosing my life, or just reacting to it?

The Shift

Change didn’t happen all at once. It came from a few slow, steady forces.

First, pain. Or more accurately, frustration. A sense that I could do more.

I felt that I was good enough to achieve more and that I wasn’t doing so.

Naval Ravikant says that the only true test of intelligence is if you are getting what you want out of life.

And I wasn’t.

I couldn’t point to one big problem, just a low-level ache that kept building.

I want to encourage you to never ever ever ignore that low-level ache.

Then came tiredness. Not burnout, but a fatigue from always performing. I was following a script that no longer felt like mine.

And finally, identity cracks. The person I thought I was and the person I had become weren’t lining up. That disconnect started to wear on me.

I’d say these things all happened over a few years. 3 or more perhaps. They build up slowly and I ignored them Eventually they became too much and the dam wall cracked. I started to actively make changes.

Here’s what helped:

Practical Protocols: Think. Write. Experiment.

Let’s discuss a way to make change. Things that worked for me.

It’s divided into three parts: Think, Write, Experiment

I’ll describe these simply because they are a protocol, not a prescription.

Do what works for you. That’s most important.

→ Think Protocol: Create Space for Thought

• No phone. No music. No multitasking.

• Block out 30 minutes. Go for a walk or sit still. (I personally love walking)

• Ask yourself one question. Don’t rush the answer. (See some questions below)

• Write your thoughts down. Immediately. Some people think by writing, others write after thinking. Whatever works for you.

Starter questions:

• [My favourite question] I will feel safe when…

• Who am I when I’m not performing?

• What do I do even when no one asks me to?

• What do I secretly want, but feel guilty for wanting?

• Am I brave enough to be disliked?

• What kind of effort feels good, even when it’s hard?

You don’t need perfect answers. You just need honest ones.

→ Write Protocol: Get the Truth on Paper

• In addition to the protocol above, make time for more structured, longer writing.

• Use a private journal. No filters. No worrying about anyone seeing your thoughts.

• Start with prompts:

  • “Right now, I feel stuck because…”

  • “If I’m honest with myself, I want…”

  • “I’m tired of pretending that…”

• Don’t worry about grammar and spelling. Just get it out.

• Re-read it the next day. You’ll be surprised what shows up. (Re-read it in a year for an even bigger shock)

→ Experiment Protocol: Low-Risk, High-Insight

• Pick one curiosity. Anything.

• Find the smallest version of it you can try this week.

• Don’t aim to win. Aim to learn.

• You won’t be perfect and that’s fine. Play an instrument. Learn to code. Try to create a newsletter. Take up a sport.

Example:

• Curious about writing? Publish one LinkedIn post.

• Interested in coaching? Offer a free session to a friend.

• Think you might want to switch careers? Shadow someone for an hour.

Clarity comes from doing, not daydreaming.

What I Know Now (That I Didn’t Then)

Some insights from these years:

• Change is allowed. You don’t owe consistency to past versions of yourself.

• Purpose evolves. You won’t find it once. It keeps shifting as you grow. You’re allowed to have multiple purposes in your life.

• Chasing approval is a dead end. It’ll never feel like enough. Don’t even bother.

• Self-interest is not selfish. It’s essential. You can’t figure out your life by constantly prioritizing everyone else’s comfort. Caring about your own clarity, energy, and direction isn’t egotistical. It’s how you become someone who can show up for others without losing yourself. Read: The Courage to be Disliked. It explains it more clearly than I can here.

• Other people’s wisdom is useful, but incomplete. You have to live it to believe it. You have to test it, challenge it, break it, rebuild it. That’s how it becomes yours. That doesn’t mean discard the advice of others. Definitely not. But update it and refine it and make it fit your circumstances.

Start Small, But Start Now

You don’t need a five-year plan.

You don’t need to fix your whole life this weekend.

You just need to be honest. Pay attention. And move one layer closer to what feels real.

Most people don’t do this. They wait until they break.

I did.

You don’t have to.

Final Word

This isn’t a guide to becoming someone new.

It’s a guide to coming back to who you actually are.

That’s why I’m here: not because I figured everything out, but because I finally stopped running from myself and started listening.

If you do nothing else after reading this, just ask yourself one honest question. Then write what comes up.

That’s where it starts.